Elijah Mathew - Site Memorial Online

"Homesick"
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Psalm 23:4
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. 

Eljiah,

 

     I still remember the day we found out that your Mommy was pregnant.  I rushed to the local drug store 3 times buying tests and all of them were positive.  We couldn’t believe it!  We were overjoyed, but still unsure.  We scheduled a doctor’s appointment and that test was also positive!  The joy in our hearts was immeasurable.  The next 9 months were a beautiful experience filled with all the normal highs and lows of a healthy pregnancy.  Mommy was so happy inside and also cared so much about your safety and well being.  I would be sent to the store at all hours of the night and day to buy all types of strange foods for you.    Seems like you liked pickles and ice cream the most! 

 

     I still remember the day you were born like it was a minute ago.  Your head came out first and you looked at me.  I couldn’t believe you were finally here. As Mommy said, our hearts melted, our souls shook to the core, our minds were lifted to new heights of thought and care.  You didn’t cry one bit.  When Mommy held you, she kissed you and told you how much she loved you.  When I got to hold you, you sucked your lips, asking for milk.  I can’t fully explain in words how much I miss that, or what that simple act meant to me.  For the next two months, you showed us the true meaning of life and what GOD’s love truly is and means. 

 

     Elijah, everyday, your Mommy took care of you so well.  She hugged you and kissed you and held you so tight.  Sometimes I would get jealous , but I didn’t care because I knew Mommy had been waiting for so long for you and needed that time with you.  The time I had with you, I longed for, I couldn’t wait.  When I would be sent to run various errands and pick up stuff for you every night, I didn’t care.  It was for you, it was the least I could do for all that you gave me and Mommy.  Whether running errands or going to work, all I waited for was coming home to see you, even if I wouldn’t get to hold you for long.  I loved preparing the milk bottles and nipples and the changing station and diapers at night before we all went to sleep.  I secretly loved spying on Mommy with you as she sang you to sleep and played with you, waiting for me to come to bed.  It just made me so happy to see that, and made me laugh so much inside.

 

     Mommy loved to give you baths.  I still remember with how much love and care she would wash your body and head.  She would wrap you up in towels and dry you and then we would have fun dressing you.  Mommy loved singing to you and talking to you and taking pictures of you.  Elijah, I felt like the communication between us was more telepathic than anything.  You knew what I was thinking, feeling and saying without me having to make a sound.  (Besides, I can’t sing that well ) Mommy took so much care in every aspect of your well being.  She was so sad when she finally had to go back to work.  She would work so hard and fast so that she could come home to see you.  She would be so tired from work but would still stay up hours to be with you after I left for work.  The late nights feeding you were the best of all though.  Mommy loved feeding you at night and so did I.  You would drink so much milk, we were shocked sometimes.  When you pooped it out, it all made sense as to where it was all going.

 

     Elijah, the night GOD took you back home to be with HIM was the worst night of our entire lives.  I can never truly express all that was going thru my mind when I found you and when the news was delivered to me as I stood alone in the hospital before Mommy and everyone arrived.  My heart was shattered, my soul was blank, my body was numb and for the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to say.  When Mommy arrived, she was so sad, she cried aloud to the heavens and the shattered pieces of my heart shattered into a fine dust. 

 

     After all of this, the next morning it snowed, just like when you were born.  I knew you were with GOD and found solace in that.  Just as GOD always took care of me and Mommy, I knew, HE was taking care of you.  I’m truly thankful for having the honor of being your father and the privilege of being able to see you and hold you for two months.  Even more so, however, I’m thankful that GOD gave you such a caring and loving Mommy.  Our lives have been a quite turbulent since you left, but that just shows how much you meant to us and the rest of the world.  I only ask one thing of you buddy, take care of Mommy.  She loves you so much.  Fill her heart with joy and her face with smiles.  Make her laugh and jump for joy.  Keep her warm and safe.  Thanks for always watching over us while you’re bouncing on GOD’s knee.  Thanks for sending the snow when we’re sad and the sun when it’s dark.  Thanks for everything…Prophet.

Love,

Daddy

 Thank you Father and Elijah for this beautiful Poem. I love you both.

"I thought of you and closed my eyes,
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother,
And I know I heard him say:
A mother has a baby,
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother,
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied,
With confidence in his voice.
I give many women babies,
When they leave is not thier choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But theres no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish that I could show you,
What your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile,
With other children who say:
We go to earth and learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy oh so much,
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are Ok.
Your babies are here in My home,
They'll be at heavens gate for you.
So now you see what makes a mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day,
And you'll know that you're the best one!"

On November 9, 2011 joy and happiness was brought to the world.  It was a blessing to have Elijah in our life. Elijah, you remind me of a model.  Every single picture that I've seen of you- would show a dramatic pose.  On January 9th 2012, my parents gave me the devastating news.  I was thinking in my mind that if God is supposed to be our saviour and hero, then why would he take our loving Elijah away.  But I know everything has a purpose and I know Elijah is playing with Jesus and is having a good time.  Thank you for giving strength to your mommy, my aunt.  We miss you soo badly and will love you forever.  There's never a day I don't think about you.  I love you.  your cousin Sarah Chech

Today I remember you talking to your 3 little monkey friends.  oh how you loved them.They were your first friends! I loved watching you get excited to see them... I think about what Jesus was doing to make you laugh and smile soo much, he must of been making lots of silly faces:)..
I love you and miss you always.


My inspiration today: Though your gone, it's okay to smile and laugh...as it says in Proverbs 17:22 "A merry heart does good, like medicine..."

~ mommy

I remember everything from the moment I found out you were growing inside of me...I can't explain how excited, happy,and blessed to carry you in me. Words cannot describe the joy that was in me. I imagined everything and everything....I pictured the beautiful life I would have with you and the beautiful life you would have as you grew up.  I couldn't wait to see you...hold you& love you. I only prayed to God to keep you safe and healthy while you were inside of me.
The day you were born...you were soo beautiful just as i imagined you would be. Your curious eyes was infectious. You wanted to know who this strange person holding you. I remember saying... mommy is soo happy to see you and mommy loves you. I wanted you so close to me and didnt want to put you down. My heart and soul melted with love and tears of joy. I told my God, you are soo amazing, you gave that gift I always wanted soo bad. I hugged you and gave you lots of kisses. I rocked you. I felt all your little tiny fingers and toes. You didnt cry...you just watched and examined me.
The day we took you home it snowed...you were dressed like a little bunny. You were soo cute. I cherish all those moments and memories of taking you home and the first couple of days and nights with you. You cried for milk and to be changed. You were a good boy. You didn't cry for anything else except for those things. You were a pooping machine...we spend a fortune the first couple of days and weeks:)...mommy had to bring you to the doctor every week to make sure you were getting bigger and growing healthy. The doctors always told me you were perfect and I didnt have to worry about anything. ..
The two months I shared my life with you were the most amazing days of my life. I love you soo much. I could not stop putting you down. I sang to you soo many songs. I loved when you watched me when I fed you. I loved to give you a bath. I love to get all the clothes and things ready to give you a bath. I just enjoyed everything. I loved to hear you cry, yawn, smile soo much. You always smiled for me. When I would sing and rock you would fall asleep on my shoulder. You would put your hand under my neck when you slept, you would even push away hair if it was in the way.  You wanted me when I wasn't there. You watched what I do where I go and would cry if I left you to do something. You slept with your arms up and I would have to force it to keep them down. I remember cutting your nails and you wouldn't cry. You were a pavum, my dad always said that.  You were always soo excited and soo excited for everyone. I loved to smell you. I loved playing with you and the few toys given by people that I would annoy with.  I just didnt want to leave you. I would take so many pictures, write letters to you.  Your first vaccine how i wanted to cry with you. I have a million memories and moments to share, wished I could write all of them, but all those will always stay in my heart and mind forever. You were a perfect boy, you were my heart and soul...

Since you've been gone...I'm soooo heartbroken...my life has been a never ending scary roller coaster. But I know your passing has a good purpose in my life. I miss you soo badly. I wish you'd just come back. I wish to hold you soo bad. I want you to stare at me like you did when I would feed you. I dont know how I can go on.  The song picked by jincy chechi, sung by Sarah & Sherrin, "Homesick" makes me think about you soo much and make me cry all day and night. Elijah, my kutten, kuttapee, snow and sunshine...I think about you more than when I had you in my arms.
I'm praying to God and you to give me strength to go on. You both are giving me a lot strength. I know God and baby are watching over me. I know baby, your in a happy place, playing, laughing, and smiling with Jesus.
Growing up, I always wished what would be like if the world ended. Though I knew I wasn't ready, I wanted to see what would happen. But, once you came into my life, I did not want the world to end.  I didn't like it when people talked about the world ending or such things. I would get angry if people talk about world ending because I wanted my future to go on raising you and that beautiful picture. ..But, since your in heaven... I want it soo bad for the world to end, so I can see you again...even just for a little bit...
I love you and miss you soo much Elijah. Thank You God for letting me be Elijah's mommy and for just two months showing the most precious thing in the world. The love I recieved is unforgettable and amazing love. Elijah my Angel, my heavy heart is lifted by you and I crave to see you again.

Love You Always,
Your mommy


~I thank my family and friends for their love and prayers.